Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There r osticjed everywhere
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
