This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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