Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
