I saw his package. It spoke to me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
