I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
