just come out here and I will go home with you...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
