We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
