Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
