just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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