Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
