fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
