you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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