You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
