I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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