I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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