Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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