WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
