There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
