The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
