Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
