Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
