come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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