You really coming over, don't trick.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
