I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
