Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
