i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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