So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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