I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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