If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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