My boss' voice literally gives me gas
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
