You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
