im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
