i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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