Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
