So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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