I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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