...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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