well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
