i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
