good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
