When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
