Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
