Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
