My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
