mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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