If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ttyl tear gas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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