Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
