Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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