hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
