That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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